During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune
teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a
crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself
to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this
year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the
single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep
breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune
teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
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When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs,
he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."
If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river
and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer
prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?
The American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking
Eagle" because he is so full of shit.. that he can't fly.
Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's
finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.
Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, "Youth in
Asia are just like kids everywhere else."
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One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's
wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that
necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath
ready while I start supper."
The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond
bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She
replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I
start supper."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a
mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She
replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I
start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is
only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY!
There's only an inch of water in the tub!" He replies, "I didn't want you
to get your raffle ticket wet!"
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The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few
questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and
then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That
is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that's still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman excitedly states, "I'm a
chicken farmer!"
The accountant is puzzled, "What does chicken farming have to do with
being a whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
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An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a
much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show
you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an
occasional piece in the living room!" |
