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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: art slott who wrote (6705)	9/4/1998 10:25:00 AM
From: Douglas A. Sevy	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you: Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care." -- Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------------------- > Thought you guys might appreciate these... > > >Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? > >He sold his soul to Santa. > > > >Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a > >car crash? > >He's all right now. > > > >Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? > >He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. (get it??) > > > >How do crazy people go through the forest? > >They take the psycho path. > > > >How do you get holy water? > >Boil the hell out of it. > > > >How does a Jewish American Princess change a lightbulb? > >She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment." > > > >What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? > >"Dam". > > > >What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? > >Polaroids. > > > >What do prisoners use to call each other? > >Cell phones. > > > >What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? > >National Dyslexics Association. > > > >What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? > >A stick. > > > >What do you call cheese that isn't yours? > >Nacho Cheese. > > > >What do you call Santa's helpers? > >Subordinate Clauses. > > > >What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? > >Quatro sinko. > > > >What do you get from a pampered cow? > >Spoiled milk. > > > >What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? > >Frostbite. > > > >What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? > >A pachydermatologist > > > >What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of > >a tree would kill you? > >A pool table. > > > >What is a zebra? > >26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. > > > >What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? > >Sanka. > > > >... and what kind of lettuce? > >Iceberg. > > > >What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? > >A nervous wreck. > > > >What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal > >thermometer? > >The taste. > > > >What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? > >Anyone can roast beef. > > > >Where do you find a no legged dog? > >Right where you left him. > > > >Where do you get virgin wool from? > >Ugly sheep. > > > >Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? > >They all have phones. > > > >Why do bagpipers walk when they play? > >They're trying to get away from the noise. > > > >Why do gorillas have big nostrils? > >Because they have big fingers. > >