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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6836)	9/14/1998 11:52:00 AM
From: taxikid	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

aww, ricky.....

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6836)	9/14/1998 12:45:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62547

Reward offered for lost submarine clue dailynews.yahoo.com ISTANBUL, Turkey (Reuters) - Israel ran an advertisement in a Turkish newspaper on Monday, offering rewards for information on an Israeli submarine that disappeared 30 years ago with 69 crew on board. The advertisement in Sabah newspaper, placed by the Israeli Defense Ministry and navy, said rewards of between $5,000 and $300,000 would be given to anyone providing information on, or remnants from, the Dakar which was lost in Greek waters in January 1968. The submarine, which last made contact with shore command on January 24, 1968, was on its maiden voyage under the Israeli flag from Portsmouth, England, to the Israeli port of Haifa. Its emergency buoy washed up on a beach in Gaza in February 1969. In a bid to recover the sailors' bodies, Israel previously conducted search operations along the seabed near the Greek island of Rhodes, near the Turkish mainland. Earlier searches off Egypt and other areas of the eastern Mediterranean proved fruitless. The advert said the reward program would last until December 14 and included phone and fax numbers for those with information. Mainly Moslem but officially secular Turkey has formed close military ties with Israel since 1996 when the two countries signed a defense pact which angered Arab states and Iran. ______________________ Firm plans sale of steel chastity belts dailynews.yahoo.com SINGAPORE (Reuters) - A Singapore firm is marketing U.S.-made rust proof steel chastity belts at a price of Singapore $1,350 (US$788) each, a local newspaper reported on Sunday. Singapore's Sunday Times quoted Creatif Marketing sole proprietor Eudora Ong as saying she was targeting husbands who suspect their wives of being unfaithful, parents with teenage daughters and women who fear being raped. ''I wanted to be the first to introduce them to Singapore. Perhaps, there are people who have been hunting for them and don't know how or where to get them,'' the daily quoted her as saying. Singaporeans interviewed by the Sunday Times were incensed while a doctor warned that it could cause skin infections such as ringworm. ''A person needs to be careful when defecating and urinating, as traces of these bodily wastes may still be on the chastity belt,'' a gynecologist told the paper. Ong said she had secured exclusive distribution deals for the belts in Asia and the Middle East where orders have already come but she declined to reveal the numbers. Judging from the Singaporean comments, local orders are not expected to balloon. ''It's a ridiculous idea,'' said Fatimah Azimullah, 52, president of the Young Women Muslim Association. Phyllis Chew, 44, president of the Association of Women for Action and Research said: ''I think this is a negative, defeatist, unconstructive and anti-social way of solving a bad situation.'' Dismissing the notion that women could use it as a protection against rape, Philip Lee said that a frustrated rapist might even kill his victim. Men interviewed said that it would be mental and physical torture for women to wear the belt and it reflected poorly on marital relations. ''If I were that woman (forced to wear the belt), I would clamp the chastity belt on his privates,'' Lee, 31, said. Chastity belts have gone on sale in Indonesia where ethnic Chinese women were raped during riots there in May. ______________________________ Notable Quotes dailynews.yahoo.com They really said it -- Notable quotes from the wire: ''If I was doing it over again I wouldn't have done it, but I can't shoot them now that they're here.'' -- Media mogul TED TURNER, who espouses a worldwide one-baby-per-family policy, explaining that if he could do things over again, he wouldn't have had five children. ''I believe deeply in foolishness. But not exclusively.'' -- Actor, writer and former comedian STEVE MARTIN. ''Early in comedy this was used as a prop. Today it still is.'' -- Comedian CHRIS ROCK, holding up a cigar at the Emmys and alluding to the White House sex scandal. ''This is for all the fat girls.'' -- The rotund CAMRYN MANHEIM of ''The Practice'' after winning an Emmy as best supporting actress in a drama series.

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6836)	9/14/1998 6:25:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62547

The wives of four presidents and prime ministers are talking together about how a penis is called in their language. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain because it goes down after the act. Well Hillary Clinton says that in the USA you call it a rumor because it goes from mouth to mouth. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A guy answers the phone. It's the doctor. About your wife's blood test, he says, due to an administrative error I'm not sure which sample is your wife's. Depending on which is which, she's either got AIDS or a severe heart condition. So what can I do about it? says the guy. Well, says the doctor, I recommend sending her on a ten-mile run. If she comes back alive, don't fuck her.