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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Gord who wrote (6962)	9/19/1998 2:07:00 PM
From: Capt	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said,"Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker & cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it and it only costs $10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

To: Gord who wrote (6962)	9/21/1998 1:59:00 PM
From: The Rabbit	Respond to of 62549

I am not offended. I was just pointing out that there are many viewpoints of humor on this thread. You, on the other hand, seem a bit put off. Yes, I've heard that joke, and it's one of my favorites. -------------------------- About Dead Horses... Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following: 1. Buy a stronger whip 2. Change riders 3. Say things like 'This is the way we always have ridden this horse' 4. Appoint a committee to study the horse 5. Arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses 6. Increase the standards to ride dead horses 7. Appoint a action team to revive the dead horse 8. Create a training session to increase our riding ability 9. Compare the dead horse to the state of other dead horses in today's business environment 10. Change the requirements declaring that 'this horse is not dead' 11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse 12. Harness several dead horses together to increase the horses' performance 13. Declare that 'no horse is too dead to beat' 14. Provide additional funding to increase the horses performance 15. Do a cost analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper 16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster 17. Declare that the horse is 'better, faster and cheaper' when dead 18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses 19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses 20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable 21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position