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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (668)	9/28/1998 9:32:00 AM
From: Capt	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 2733

HMO's Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant they passed a room where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why These activities were allowed in the hospital. "Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode." "Oh." said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable." Farther down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex. "Goodness Gracious!" shrieked HM. "I demand an explanation of this kind of sordid goings-on!" "Ah," said the Doctor, "same problem -- better health plan."

To: treetopflier who wrote (668)	10/4/1998 2:15:00 PM
From: Capt	Respond to of 2733

The Late Sam Kinison On Relationships: [To a man and woman in the audience] "You guys in love? You gonna get married? [The man says yes. Sam moves several steps closer] Gonna get married, huh? [The man says, "I guess so, yeah."] Tell you what. Before you get married, I want you to make me a promise. I want you to remember this face. [Sam leans over, until he is inches from the man's face, and screams at the top of his lungs] Oh! Oh! AAAAUGH!" -- At the Comedy Store, inventing his signature bit after a fight with his second wife, in 1982. "People go, aren't you worried about Hell?' No. No, because I WAS MARRIED FOR TWO FKIN' YEARS! HELL WOULD BE LIKE CLUB MED! HELL WOULD BE LIKE A FKIN' RESORT!!!" -- At the Roxy, 1987. "What happened? Satan was busy?" -- On learning that Marvin Mitchelson was representing his second wife in her divorce case against him, 1989. "If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows." -- At the Roxy, 1987.