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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Capt who wrote (7147)	10/1/1998 1:27:00 PM
From: Tomato	Respond to of 62549

> I'M GLAD I'M A MAN > > I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. > > I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. > > I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. > > I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. > > I don't get wasted after only 2 beers, > > and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. > > I won't spend hours deciding what to wear. > > I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. > > And I don't go around checking my reflection > > in everything shiny from every direction. > > I don't whine in public and make us leave early, > > and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. > > I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. > > I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. > > I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. > > I don't carry our differences into the sack. > > I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you > > or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. > > I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too. > > I know what the time is and I know what to do. > > And I honestly think its a privilege for me > > to have these two balls and stand when I pee. > > I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball. > > It's more fun than dealing with women after all. > > I won't cry if you say it's not going to work. > > I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. > > Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. > > I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. > > Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see. > > I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. > > I don't get all bitchy every 28 days. > > I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. > > I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true. > > I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you! > > ****** And now it's time for a rebuttal********** > > I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN > > I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am. > > I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. > > I don't brag to my buddies about my erections. > > I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions. > > I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown. > > And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! > > I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt. > > My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. > > And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch, > > or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. > > I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind. > > I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind! > > I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing. > > I don't have body hair like shag carpeting. > > It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back. > > When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack. > > And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb. > > I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. > > Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. > > I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride! > > And I honestly think its a privilege for me, > > to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. > > I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball. > > I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. > > I won't tell you my wife just does not understand, > > or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. > > Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep, > > then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! > > Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see. > > Forget all about that old penis envy. > > I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks. > > Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. > > I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true. > > I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!