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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Shinie who wrote (7225)	10/8/1998 8:34:00 PM
From: Borzou Daragahi	Respond to of 62547

That's really funny! Did you write that?

To: Shinie who wrote (7225)	10/9/1998 3:30:00 PM
From: Reginald Middleton	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The perfect woman. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women, end message here. Men, keep scrolling. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ '~ ~ ' ~~ ' ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this brings up another point: women never listen either.

To: Shinie who wrote (7225)	10/9/1998 9:10:00 PM
From: Shinie	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

UNDERSTANDING SOFTWARE PROFESSIONS : --------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Software Plumber : Has a tendency to work with PIPES in different environments. 2. Software Tailor : Has a natural liking towards THREADS even for single user environments.. 3. Software Sweeper : Opens others dirty ,clogged programs and Sweeps cleans them. 4. Software Novelist : Writes 40 lines of Documentation before a one line call to a function. 5. Software Electrician : Suggests the use of SOCKETS each time a remote machine is to be sensed. 6. Software PIMP : Also popularly called Contracting AGENT . 7. Software DOG : Ensures that every ERROR message is followed by an irritating bark ,OOPS!! "beep". 8. Software Pirate : Considers it a crime to buy Software at the original price. 9. Software Cook : Always offers his/her users with COOKIES. 10.Software Waiter : Also called an Idle Contract Programmer, waits on his /her boss for work. 11.Software Archer : Plays with pointers and shoots - . 12.Software Artist : Is so obsessed with Indentation that the whole program looks like one big ARROW. 13.Software Hunter : Is always on the hunt for new websites. 14.Software Cop : Is on the hunt for offensive software /software users. 15.Software Saint : Goes into a deep TRANCE while programing. 16.Software Don : Intimidates others with crazy and scary ideas. 17.Software Porter : Does the Downloading of Software for his/her users. 18.Software Programmer : No such species exists anymore.