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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: doby who wrote (7328)	10/16/1998 11:03:00 AM
From: Douglas A. Sevy	Respond to of 62541

Two Digits for a Date (sung to the tune of "Gilligan's Island") Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date. Two digits for a date. Main memory was smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. "Four digits are extravagant, So let's get by with two. So let's get by with two." "This works through 1999," The programmers did say. "Unless we rewrite before that It all will go away. It all will go away." But Management had not a clue: "It works fine now, you bet! A rewrite is a straight expense; We won't do it just yet. We won't do it just yet." Now when 2000 rolls around It all goes straight to hell, For zero's less than ninety-nine, As anyone can tell. As anyone can tell. The mail won't bring your pension check. It won't be sent to you When you're no longer sixty-eight, But minus thirty-two. But minus thirty-two. The problems we're about to face Are frightening, for sure. And reading every line of code's The only certain cure. The only certain cure. [key change, big finish] There's not much time, There's too much code. (And Cobol-coders, few) When the century is finished with, We may be finished, too. We may be finished, too. Eight thousand years from now I hope That things weren't left too late, And people aren't then lamenting Four digits for a date.

To: doby who wrote (7328)	10/16/1998 10:36:00 PM
From: gypsy	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62541

mikey, I know you will appreciate a good Dr. Seuss story at bedtime! LOL The Tyson Fight by Dr. Seuss ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Would you eat Evander's ear? Would you, Mikey? Tell me clear. I would not like that ear to eat. I do not think it would taste sweet. Ears are flavored bitter, friend, and they've been known careers to end. Could you eat that fleshy thing? Would you eat it in the ring? Would you bite it on a dare and store it in the Fridgidaire? I could not store it in the fridge. It is mostly cartilage. I will not bite Evander's flesh whether frozen, fried or fresh. You could be tempted, this I know If things do not the right way go. Your tiny brain will start to shout, "This is a way to get me out!" I will not eat it on a dare, I will not eat it hanging there. Even if the fight I lose that's not a mouthful I would chewz. Would you eat it in the ring? Would you eat it for Don King? Don King can ask, and ask, ask he won't goad me 'cause that is nasty. But what of head butts from Evander? He'll knock your noodle, you know he can, sir. He can butt me all he likes. That does not mean his ear I bites. Oh no! He butted Mikey's head! He butted it just like I said! Bite his ear! For vengence sake! Nibble on it like a snake. I would not, could not bite his ear! It would cost me my career. Bite it, Mikey! Bite it off! Or are you starting to get soft? OK! OK! I'll bite that thing! I will bite it in the ring. Hey... Tastes just like chicken from Colonel Sanders! I like this chunk of ear Evander's. Now I would like a second bite. A guy gets hungry in the fight. You bit it! Geez! You bit his ear! Our lust for blood ain't that severe. You need control inside the ring. Now there's two Mikeys who'll eat anything! One bite is fine, but two's too much. You make us want to toss up lunch. We shelled out big for Pay-per-view To watch a fight, not have to spew. You'll be fined three million smackers. And have to refund all your backers. They paid to see you beat him bloody. Not bite his ears. That's yuchy, buddy. Why did you bite him? What's the scoop? Why to gnawing did you stoop? It was anger! I saw red! When he butted on my head! Things just happen in the ring. When boxers snap, they do weird things. We don't buy it. You're a pro! The whole damn story! We all must know! OK, OK. You've earned the right. You paid fifty bucks to watch the fight. Why did I bite him? Here's the tale -- I got a taste for it in jail. Wow. What a story. Now tell us, Mike, What your future plans are like. I think I'll sell off all the rights To market various merchandise. We'll sell action figures! What a trip! Like "Iron Mike" with "Kung Chew" grip. So you bit him on the ear. That's all we'll hear about, I fear, until some other news breaks clear And pushes biting to the rear. I guess we like it when we see People biting on TV. We only have ourselves to blame for watching such a bloody game. Would YOU decline his ear to bite If you got paid 10 mil per fight? Let me! I'd bite it in the ring! I'd bite it off! I'd eat the thing! I'd swallow it with Gatorade -- for a tenth of what Mike got paid.