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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (7345)	10/16/1998 6:17:00 PM
From: Ian@SI	Respond to of 62542

Noah's Ark Today ...if it happened today And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain. And it will continue to rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. Noah, I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications and blueprints for an Ark. "Yes, Lord," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, Noah, or learn to tread water for a very long time!" Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping...AND THERE WAS NO ARK. "Noah!" shouted the Lord. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were BIG problems:" "First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your blueprints and specifications didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw everything from scratch. "Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. "Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating zoning regulations by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the City Planning Commission. "Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the Fish and Wildlife Department that I needed the wood to save the Owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. "The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the Labour Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the Ark, and still no owls. "Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an Animal Rights organisation. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the good folks of our Environmental Protection Agency notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an Environmental Impact Statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. "Then the Armed Forces Corp. of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. "Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Opportunity Agency over who exactly I'm supposed to hire. "The Tax Department has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the province about owing them some kind of Heritage tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years." Noah failed. The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully. "No," said the Lord sadly. "The Government already has." - From Union of Taxation Employees Newsletter, Edmonton Revenue Canada Office, 1998.