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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: taxikid who wrote (7406)	10/20/1998 10:17:00 AM
From: Henry Volquardsen	Respond to of 62547

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?" One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of you finest beer that I can lick my eye." The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could lick their nose but never have I ever seen one that could lick his eye. I'll take that bet." So the guy reaches up, pulls out his glass eye, licks it, and puts it back in his eye socket. The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me." He brings the guys a pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar. When that pitcher starts to get low the barkeep comes back and asks, "Are you gentlemen ready for another?" The same guy answers, "I'll bet you another pitcher of your finest beer that I can bite my ear." The barkeep hesitates for a moment and looks at the guy's left ear, his right ear, and says, "There's no way you've got an artificial ear. I'll take that bet." The guy reaches up, pulls out his false teeth, bites his ear with them, and puts them back in his mouth. The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me again." He brings the guys another pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar. A little later the betting guy is drunk, gets up and staggers over to the bar and lays a $100 bill on the bar saying, "I'll bet you a hundred that I can pee and fill 10 shot glasses lined up on the bar with their rims touching without spilling a drop on the bar from 3 feet away." The barkeep says, "It'll be worth $100 to see that so I bet you can't do it." He puts his own $100 on the bar, lines up 10 shot glasses and steps back. The drunk whips it out and pees all over the shot glasses, the bar, and the floor. The barkeep picks up the two $100 bills, gets out his towel and starts to wipe it up. He then notices the drunk is smiling and says, "I just made $100 so I'm smiling, you just lost $100, why are you smiling?" The drunk says, you see they guy over there I've been drinking with all this time? I just bet him $1,000 that I could come over here, pee all over the bar, and that you'd wipe it up with a smile on your face.

To: taxikid who wrote (7406)	10/20/1998 10:17:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

This 65-year-old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?" She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?" "Well," she replied "your name never came up."

To: taxikid who wrote (7406)	10/20/1998 11:08:00 PM
From: Cheeky Kid	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

Why did the chicken cross the road? Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. Colonel Sanders: I missed one? L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Sadam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book..and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.