One morning, a man approached the first tee, only to find another guy
approaching from the other side. They began talking and decided to
play 9 holes together. After teeing off, they sat off down the
fairway, continuing their chat. "
What do you do?" the first man asked. "I'm a salesman.
What about you?" "I'm a hitman for the mob," replied the second man.
The hitman noticed that the 1st guy started getting a little nervous
and continued. "Yeah. I'm the highest paid guy in the business. I'm
the best."
He stopped, sat down his bag of clubs, and pulled out a fancy, high
powered rifle that was loaded with all types of scopes and sights. He
then asked the man where he lived. Still nervous the man replied, "In
a subdivision just west of here." The hitman placed the gun against
his shoulder, faced west, peered into a scope and asked "What color
roof ya' got? "Gray." Then he asked "What color siding?" "Yellow."
"You got a silver Toyota?" "Yeah," replied the first man who was now
completely amazed by the accuracy of the hitman's equipment. "That's
my wife's car." "That your red pickup next to it?"
Looking baffled the man asked if he could look through the scope.
Looking through the sights, he said "Hell. That's my buddy Jeff's
truck. What the hell is he doing there if I'm..?"
The hitman looked through the scope once more. "Your wife a blond?"
"Yeah." "Your buddy got black hair?" "Yeah!" "Well, I don't know how
to tell you, but I think you've got a problem. They're going at it
like a couple of teenagers in there." said the hitman.
"Problem??! THEY'VE got the problem! I want you to shoot both of them!
Right now!"
The hitman paused and said, "Sure. But it'll cost you. Like I said,
I'm the best. I get paid $5,000 per shot."
"I don't care! Just do it! I want you to shoot her right in the head,
and shoot him in the balls."
The hitman agreed, turned, and took firing position. He carefully
stared into the sights, taking careful aim. He then said, "You know
what buddy. This is your lucky day. I think I can save you $5,000!"
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Two cowboys were leanin up against the rail at their favorite bar. They?e
tired and worn out from a long day. Havin a couple of longnecks, just
relaxin' and talkin', watchin' the women go by. This beautiful blonde walks
by, and the two cowboys look at her, tip their hats back a little, look at
each other and smile.
One of them says, "I'll give her a 3."
Other cowboy nods slowly, and says, "Yep. She's a 3 fur sure."
Little while later another woman, this time a fantastic looking redhead,
comes walkin by in front of them. First cowboy looks her up and down,
smiles, takes a sip from his beer, and says to the second cowboy, "Well, I
think that one must be a 4."
And the second cowboy agrees, and says, ?ep, no arguin' there--she sure is
a 4."
Time passes on by and the cowboys are still sippin their beers, just
watching folks pass. And across the room comes this absolutely gorgeous,
drop-dead beautiful brunette. As she comes near them, they both kinda
straighten up, and tip their hats back a little for a better look.
First cowboy smiles real wide, looks at his pal and says, "Damnnn. That one
has GOT to be a 6."
And the second cowboy nods slowly, grins, and says, "Yep. DEFINITELY a 6."
Well, the woman hears them and she is NOT amused. She turns around real
sharply and comes right up to the two grinning cowboys. She looks the first
one in the eye and says, "Excuse me. But are you two actually standing there
rating women??!?"
The cowboys look kinda embarrassed, lookin' down at their boots, and they
both nod. One of them says, "Well, yes ma'am, we are, but you don't
understand..."
She is REAL mad now, and looks at the cowboy and says, "Well, I'll have you
know I've been rated far higher than that by far better than YOU."
And the second cowboy says, "But, ma'am, you really don't understand!"
She says, "What is it I don't understand? Here you are, rating women. I
understand THAT."
And the first cowboy says, "But ma'am, we use a different kinda rating
system."
The brunette says, 'Oh, and what would THAT be? No one has EVER rated me a
SIX before."
The second cowboy says, "Well, we use the Budweiser method, ma'am."
So she asks, "What in the hell is the Budweiser method?"
The first cowboy smiles, looks at her and says, reallllll slowly, "Well
ma'am, that's how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."
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Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, "What do you want for your birthday?"
Smitty says, "I want to get laid."
So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks,
and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.
After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so
he runs upstairs and in to the room.
There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful
feathers. Harry says, "Smitty, what the hell are
you doing?"
Smitty says, "For a hundred bucks I want her nude."
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