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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (7699)	11/10/1998 9:31:00 AM
From: deeno	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some actually join in....... One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a man stepped out with his arm outstretched......"STOP !" He said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and she went on her way. Taking the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, another man stepped out in front of her, and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag and pulled out a beer-mat, held it up to him, and he allowed her to carry on. Going down the final corridor before the front door, a third man stepped out in front of her......stark naked, and holding a sizeable erection in his hand. "Oh, no," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again !" ****

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (7699)	11/10/1998 9:38:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

Q. What was Tarzan's last words? A."Jane, Jane the vine Jane"! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rejected Greeting Cards 1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay. 2. My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat... but when I looked at the tire I noticed your cat. Sorry. 3. You had your bladder removed, and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers, and a box of Depends. 4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of, the Joint Chiefs of Staff. 5. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. 6. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me 7. Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Now don't you regret... installing Windows 95? 8. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion." So the two ladies took their sign down and took off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read.......... "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER.....$50.00."