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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (875)	11/12/1998 10:18:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

I may be blind but... A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all-around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

To: Karin who wrote (875)	11/13/1998 11:18:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Performance Evaluation Comments These notable quotes were reportedly taken from actual Federal Employee Performance Evaluations: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom has and has started to dig." 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." 3. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 4. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't-be." 5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." 7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." 8. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 9. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 11. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better. 12. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all. 13. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 14. He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless. 15. He doesn't have ulcers, but he is a carrier. 16. I would like to go hunting with him sometime. 17. He's been working with glue too much. 18. He would argue with a signpost. 19. He has a knack for making strangers immediately. 20. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room. 21. When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell. 22. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one. 23. A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on. 24. A prime candidate for natural deselection. 25. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. 26. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 27. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it. 28. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 29. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. 30. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 31. It's hard to believe that he beat out a million other sperm. 32. She's definitely one neuron short of a synapse. 33. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled. 34. Takes him 11 hours to watch 60 minutes. 35. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead. And that was just the first page of my evaluation... (ttf)