To: Ed Fishbaine who wrote (8 ) 12/3/1998 8:25:00 PM From: J.E.Currie Respond to of 49
This guy is great! Thanks Alan To: +Alan Whirlwind (1843 ) From: +Alan Whirlwind Wednesday, Dec 2 1998 7:46PM ET Reply # of 1849 Pinky's Tailing Box: a weekly Wednesday Feature of At a Bottom Now for Gold... DOWTANIC! Molly Brown: Dowtanic--what a weighty name for an ocean liner. Aristocrat: God couldn't sink the Dowtanic. Rose: All you men think about is the size and upward movement of your Dow. I've had enough! $ Jack: Miss, why are you hanging over the rail like that?...no, don't do it! You're young, beautiful, and have everything to live for--don't throw your life away like this... Rose: I own 20,000 shares of Zappa Resources. Jack: Jump! $ Rose: I wanted to personally thank you for saving my life...why, you're an artist. What detailed work...will you draw me? Jack: Sure, meet me in my cabin later. Rose: You are a man of many possibilites. Jack: Impossibilities too. Why, I've icefished on a lake in Western Wisconsin that doesn't even exist yet. Try beating that. Rose: I made money in the silver market this year. Jack: Got me. Rose: But, really, I want to be an ordinary person like you Jack. Jack: Okay, first you have to spit like an ordinary person. Rose: Oh dear, I'm afraid I have trouble with such icky stuff. Jack: Don't worry, Janet Reno just got Ickes out of trouble and off the hook by declining to appoint a special prosecutor. Rose: Oh mother...this is the boy who saved my life. Er, hello Mrs. Brown... Molly Brown: My boy, you've got saliva on your face. Jack: My apologies, I was just dreaming about recent Dow gains I could have had. $ Jack: Just sit there a little while longer while I finish a few light brush strokes. Steward: Pardon the interruption Sir...oh, I didn't know you were preoccupied. Er...I would imagine it must be difficult finding nude models to pose for you like that. Jack: Not at all--there are plenty of ladies out there long the XAU who have lost their shirts. $ Rose: Jack, when we get to America, I want to be with you. Jack: But I'll always be poor. Then again, with all your money in Zappa, so will you. $ Aristocrat: You! Get the warrant officer over here at once. Steward: At once Sir, but why the warrant officer Sir? Aristocrat: That man there is a thief! Warrant Officer: Why was I summoned here? Steward: I'm afraid we might have a thief here Sir. Warrant Officer: Indeed, what did he steal? Aristocrat: Zappa Warrants. Warrant Officer: So you're the culprit who's been tearing up the wallpaper on aft deck. I'll have to handcuff you in the brig until we can straighten this thing out. $ Lookout: Bridge! Duty Officer: Bridge here--what's the problem? Lookout: YK2, recession, declining earnings due to Asian meltdown, Euro competition, Japanese dumping of US securities, and Brazil & China devaluing dead ahead Sir. Duty Officer: Anything else? Lookout: Oh yes, an iceberg! Duty Officer: Hard astern! C-R-U-N-C-H!!! $ Dow Designer: There's no stopping it. The Dow is sinking. Captain: How long do we have? DD: Two months, maybe three. Captain: My God, we only have lifeboats for a third of the investors. $ Rose: Oh Jack, I found you--we're sinking. Jack: With our types of investments I thought we were already sunk. Save yourself; I'm handcuffed and there's no key. Rose: I'll break this glass and free you with this axe. Don't move... S-W-I-N-G! C-H-O-P! Rose: Oh my God! What have I done? Jack: You just axed the CEO of Sunbeam. Don't worry--they wouldn't have given him a space on a lifeboat anyway. Rose: Jack, why aren't any of these people dumping their securities now while they still have a chance? Jack: They probably figure that without any other safe haven at hand they'll last longer if they stay with the Dow as long as they can. Rose: But what about precious metals? Jack: They're obviously aware they'll sink faster with their pockets full of gold. $$$