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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jbIII who wrote (7856)	11/20/1998 11:11:00 AM
From: MrsNose	Respond to of 62552

This may have been through here before, but here goes: "There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman" - Willie (the Simpsons) -------------------- > It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow > Edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside > Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow Ned editions you may need > some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow Ned edition may be > recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98 > with a background picture of a Buckfast bottle superimposed on a > Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a Buckfast screen saver. > > Also note: > The Recycle Bin is labelled Bog > Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates > Control Panel is known as How Tae Fuck Aboot Wi The Settins > Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk > Floppies are Them Wee Plastic Fuckers. > And instead of an error message, you get a windae covered with an > empty Buckfast bottle. > > Other features: > OK = its aww-right > cancel = fuck off > reset = whit yoo aw aboot > yes =aye > no = nay fuckin' chance > find = get it yer fuckin' sel' > go to = orr therr > help = ah cannae dae it > stop = gie's fuckin peace > start = fuckin' move > settings = settins > programs = stuff at does stuff > documents = ma shit > Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or > punctuation marks. > > Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98: > tiperiter = a word processor > cullerin book = a graphics program > addin mershene = calculator > scratch paper = notepad (usually unused) > sounds = CD player > porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer > pikchers = a graphics viewer > dole money = M/S accounting software > Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.'s recent scores > Bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Tennent's > Super cuzzins = family history (usually 14-year-old mother's name > and a short list of possible fathers) > tax records = usually an empty file > Kappa tracksuit inventory (usually 3 meg file) > doactir = vetrinarians by post code > > We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a > copy of the Glasgow edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a > replacement version.