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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: james h. snyder who wrote (7860)	11/20/1998 1:27:00 PM
From: Canuck Dave	Respond to of 62550

Another bumper sticker seen in a Redneck area mall. On a pickup truck, natch... "I won't be going to work today. The voices told me to clean my guns instead"

To: james h. snyder who wrote (7860)	11/20/1998 2:07:00 PM
From: The Rabbit	Respond to of 62550

One of my favorites: "Cowboy hats cause brain damage Or is it the other way around" Rabbit

To: james h. snyder who wrote (7860)	11/20/1998 7:33:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Things Men Shouldn't Say After Sex: 1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know." 2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?" 3) "How come it's so BIG in there?" 4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?" 5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear,... OK?" 6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?" 7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!" 8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!" 9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better." 10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is?" 11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow." 12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant." 13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?" 14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!" 15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before!" 16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately...." 17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave?" 18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED in there!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned". The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass, then drink it." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest said, "NO, but it will wipe that smile off your face."