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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (7909)	11/26/1998 8:24:00 AM
From: Randi	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62550

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Just wanted to pass along a recipe for a fruitcake that my friend sent to me..... FRUITCAKE 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 2 large eggs 2 cups dried fruit 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 gallon whiskey Sample the whiskey to taste for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Take an electric mixer, and beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay, cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice, and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (7909)	11/27/1998
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62550

Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ONE LINERS What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common? Neither of them can stop a Bronco. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed. Because, they don't have balls to scratch. What's the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your own vasectomy. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration. Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. Did you know that the toothbrush was invented by a Tampa Bay Buc's fan? Had to be, if it was invented by anyone else it would have been called a teethbrush. What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common? Neither of them can stop a Bronco. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers,"241." "That's wonderful!!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have so much to discuss!" Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the woman answers, "144." "That is great!!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!" Albert goes to yet another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Albert responds, "How about those Vikings?"