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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Pami who wrote (955)	11/29/1998 11:24:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

Family Stress Test How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true. 1. ___ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk." 2. ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 3. ___ The cat is on Valium. 4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth. 5. ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf. 6. ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family. 7. ___ No one has _time_ to wait for microwave TV dinners. 8. ___ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials. 9. ___ You have to check your kid's Day-timer to see if he can take out the trash. 10.___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates. How you rate: 30 - a perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood! 20-29 - You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up. 10-19 - You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path? 0- 9 - Enjoying all that extra time? What do you do, anyway? ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\

To: Pami who wrote (955)	11/29/1998 11:34:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

"Understanding Your Paycheck" Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 County Tax City Tax Rural Tax Back Tax 6.11 12.22 4.44 1.11 Front Tax Side Tax Up Tax Down Tax 1.16 1.61 2.22 1.11 Tic-Tacs Thumbtacks Carpet Tacks Stadium Tax 1.98 3.93 0.98 0.69 Flat Tax Surtax Ma'am Tax Parking Fee 8.32 3.46 2.60 5.00 No Parking Fee F.i.c.a. T.g.i.f. Life Ins. 10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 Health Ins. Disability Ability Liability Ins. 16.23 2.50 0.25 3.41 Dental Ins. Mental Ins. Reassurance. Coffee 4.50 4.33 0.11 6.85 Coffee Cups Calendar Floor Rental Chair Rental 66.51 3.06 16.85 4.32 Desk Rental Union Dues Union Dont's Cash Advances 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69 Cash Retreats Overtime Undertime Eastern Time 121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 Central Time Mountain Time Pacific Time GMT 8.00 7.00 6.00 24.00 Bathroom Time Time Out Oxygen Water 4.44 12.21 10.02 16.54 Electricity Heat Air Conditioning 38.23 51.42 46.83 Misc 144.38 Take Home Pay: $0000.02 (This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from...) ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\