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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (8010)	12/8/1998 9:23:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

The Month After Chanukah > > 'Twas the month after Chanukah, and all through the house > Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. > The cookies I'd nibble, the latkas I'd taste > At Chanukah parties had gone to my waist. > When I got on the scales there arose such a number! > When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). > I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; > The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, > The wine or the egg creams, the bread and the cheese > And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." > As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt > And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- > I said to myself, as only I can > "You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!" > > So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, > Get rid of all chocolate, each cracker and chip > Every last bit of food that I like must be banished > "Till all the additional ounces have vanished. > I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. > I'll want to chew only a long celery stick. > I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, > I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. > I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- > But isn't that what January is for? > Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. > Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! =========================================================== THE EIGHT DAYS OF HANUKKAH > > On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and Lox, bagels and > some cream cheese > > On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 5 bowls of chicken soup =A0 > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 6 pickled herrings > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > On the seventh night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 7 noodle kugels > 6 pickled herrings > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > On the eighth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 8 Alka- Seltzer > 7 noodle kugels > 6 pickled herrings > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > > PS: For the Israeli version, substitute > 1 Falafel ball , 2 spoons of > Hummos, 3 liters of Tehina, 4 plates of salads, 5 glasses of eshkoliot > (grapefruit juice), 6 bags of pita, 7 mouthfuls of ful and 8 grapes > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>