To: epicure who wrote (26845 ) 12/12/1998 11:29:00 AM From: Grainne Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 108807
X, according to the news reports I read, in interviews with the police, several of the girls at the party told them that the girl's mother made the call to the stripper. Only the mother and her daughter have told the police that the girl called, which I interpreted to mean that the daughter is trying to get her mother off the hook as much as possible. Even if we give the mother the benefit of the doubt and assume that her daughter called, the mother exhibited really poor judgment in allowing him to stay, I think. She was also making up rules from the next room, like no licking, for example, which the girls simply disregarded. While she requested that none of the girls take any of their clothes off, she was clearly not in control of the situation, not acting parental in any way I would recognize. Also, at least one girl's mother heard a rumor that there would be a stripper there, called the mother who was hosting, and was told that that rumor was untrue. So if the reports I read are accurate, I would call that a violation of trust and parental responsibility as well. A more interesting question which is popping up is that of the double standard. Apparently there have been three parties in that same community where teenaged boys hired strippers for their parties, and no one complained. The police say they would have investigated in the same way except that since they didn't know about any of them, there was no victim, and they could not. I personally think that all teenagers should be held to the same rules of behavior--I would be equally upset if it happened with boys, because I think that teaches that women are sex objects, basically. I am grossed out whenever I hear about wedding eve bachelors' parties with strippers, for the same reason. What do you actually think about all this, incidentally, as a parent? How would you feel if your daughter was at the party? Maybe Pleasanton is a lot wilder than San Francisco. I had parents calling to talk to me about the details of my daughter's birthday party, and one parent who came to the door insisting to see me and voice her concerns before her daughter could attend. Of course, her daughter had gone to a party where liquor was served by the parents to celebrate that fifteen-year-old coming out ritual that girls in Latin cultures have--I have forgotten the Spanish word for it. Her daughter came home drunk and violently ill from that one. I have also read news articles lately about that stripper party where teenagers say their parents know there are drugs, alcohol, and sex at parties, and politely stay on another floor of the house if they are home at all, so that they don't intrude. This is definitely not my parenting style, however.