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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Richard Hoffman who wrote (8063)	12/12/1998 4:17:00 PM
From: Arthur Radley	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Your joke isn't plausible. How did so many brokers get to Heaven in the first place?

To: Richard Hoffman who wrote (8063)	12/13/1998 8:51:00 PM
From: Mike 2.0	Respond to of 62549

Re: A broker died and went up to Heaven.... Hmmm...If we cast Peter Lynch as the broker and Don Rickles as St. Peter, we'd have a camera-ready script for another one of those #$*$! obnoxious Fidelity ads. :-)

To: Richard Hoffman who wrote (8063)	2/19/1999 8:48:00 AM
From: Richard Hoffman	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Subject: Middle Age Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. There are three signs of old age: The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun -- and fun a lot more work. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds? You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you. Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too 9old to enjoy..'' A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July. You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas. Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.