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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: James H. Irwin who wrote (8074)	12/13/1998 4:14:00 PM
From: robnhood	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A Mennonite Mother and Daughter are riding down the road in a buggy. The daughter says to the mother, " Mom, my hands are freezing", Mom says , " Put them in your crotch, and they will warm up".. A few days later, the daughter is riding in the buggy with her boyfriend when he tells her his nose is freezing. She says, "Put your nose in my crotch", and sure enough it warms up.. A couple of days later in the buggy the boyfriend tells her his penis is cold and she tells him to put it in her crotch.. Next day, mom happens to ask her daughter if she's ever seen a penis.. ---"Yes,--- and are they ever messy when they thaw out"

To: James H. Irwin who wrote (8074)	12/13/1998 8:18:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A blonde was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her. "That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter? Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid." "Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again. "Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied. Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful, decided to play along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied. Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your penis died". "It did," he replied, "today is the viewing."