Q. Did you hear about the guy who was half Japanese and half black?
A. Every December 7th, he attacks Pearl Bailey.
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A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make
love to her.
Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"
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A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind
man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meat loaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chess with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks he blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man
walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the
fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"
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After the handsome tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said in a very soft voice, "Miss, would you give me a piece of ass?
"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. But she smiled and added, "Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!"
When the pair returned an hour later, the man returned to the table where his drink was still waiting. The waitress gave him a wink and asked, "And will there be any thing else?"
"Yes, ma'am" replied the tourist. "In Virginia we like our bourbon and wat-ah
cold.. Now I'll really need a piece of ass for my drink..."
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A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike. The officer says, "Pull over", and the driver pulls over to the side of the road.
He says, "I'm sorry, officer, was I speeding?".
The police officer says, "No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back".
The man replies, "Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf."
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A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her
Vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a
Secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor
agrees.
She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" "Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody.
The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.
The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself."
"Who is the third rose from?" she asked
"Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn
unit.
He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
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