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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Timothy Liu who wrote (8127)	12/18/1998 2:45:00 AM
From: X Y Zebra	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

A good bad joke... #reply-6886727

To: Timothy Liu who wrote (8127)	12/19/1998 11:02:00 AM
From: Scarecrow	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

OTOTOTOT RE: The WSJ's "Perjury vs. Telling The Truth" You can put Bill Clinton in the same illustrious firmament as all of these weasels. Regardless of whether a court finds them guilty of perjury or not, they're all still liars. Just my $.02! (Sorry to steal your line!)

To: Timothy Liu who wrote (8127)	12/19/1998 9:29:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62550

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man: You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me? In fact, I do, said the man. After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly. This is very interesting, replied the doctor. Let me do some research and get back to you. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me? The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked: your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why? Oh that old buzzard! she replied. That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED 1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it: For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. 5. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. 6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. 7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. 8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. 9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. 10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?" "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian." "What did you do?" asked the father. "I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi. "And what did he say?" pressed the father. "God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "