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Pastimes : Another Good Reason Not To Be Married -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Fred-beaches who wrote (3633)	12/20/1998 9:54:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 6545

O.K. and I'm battening down the hatches for the volleys that may follow this posting. Keep in mind--how about a new acronym that I keep trying to proliferate, KIM?--that everything I say here is reflective of my experience and does not necessarily apply broadly. When you marry, there's more of a commitment than in even the most long-lived and deep affairs. It has something to do, I think, about swearing before God (if there is one) and the people closest to you that you will love, honor, and cherish this one person until death, that no one will put you asunder. If you are doing it well, IMO, you do become one, even at the same time you have separate careers and interests. I don't mean that the two become effective Siamese twins; I mean that you share your deepest selves. The physical intimacy goes far beyond sex: It's knowing all the funny, silly idiosyncracies; it's taking care of each other when one of you is sick (true love can be holding your love while he or she is vomiting helplessly, cleaning up the mess, and not being revolted at all, just concerned); it's looking forward to growing old with the only person whose company you think you could stand all that time. For me, marriage means that kind of emotional intimacy as well. It means you give everything you have, more than you ever knew you had, in understanding your spouse's worries, insecurities, difficulties with family, whatever. I am not saying that there aren't problems, as in any relationship between two disparate persons. I am not even saying that sexual infidelity is out of the question. I am talking about an intense bonding of two souls. (At my wedding the first dance was a very old waltz: "Two Hearts in Three-quarter Time.") Now think how it feels when one partner pulls away and says, "It was never right." And then you find out that was his is his and was yours is half his. After supporting him through a Ph.D. program. See what I mean by the expression, "damage control"? After an eight-year affair, all I lost was furniture and time (and tears). But not the kind of disaster after my marriage, where I ended up with the cash value of the life insurance policy whose premiums I paid: $10,000, $1,000 for every year of the marriage. I don't mean to sound bitter. I am not. I move on with life and have found much to rejoice in--see my postings on dates from heaven or hell. I am trying to explain what I meant by "damage control." Any clarity here?