Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mad2 who wrote (1055)	12/21/1998 11:26:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

This was sent to me via fax today and I thought I'd share it. "President Clinton's Testimony" by Dr. Suess I did not do it in a car. I did not do it in a bar. I did not do it in the dark. I did not do it in the park. I did not do it on a date. I did not ever fornicate. I did not do it at a dance. I did not do it in her pants. I did not get beyond first base. I did not do it in her face. I never did it in bed. If you think that, you've been misled. I did not do it with a groan. I did not do it on the phone. I did not cause her dress to stain. I never boinked Saddam Hussein. I did not do it with a whip. I never fondled Linda Tripp. I never acted really silly. With volunteers like Kathleen Willey. There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher. I chased her 'round, but could not catch her. No kinky stuff, not on your life. I wouldn't, even with my wife. And Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes, Was paid for by my right-wing foes. And Paula Jones, and those state troopers, Are just a bunch of party poopers. I did not ask my friends to lie. I did not hang them out to dry. I did not do it last November. But if I did, I don't remember. I did not do it in the hall. I could have, but I don't recall. I never did it in my study. I never did it with my dog, Buddy. I never did it to Sox, the cat. I might have once, with Arafat. I never did it in a hurry. I never groped Ms. Betty Curry. There was no sex at Arlington. There was no sex on Air Force One. I might have copped a little feel, And then endeavored to conceal. But never did these things so lewd, At least, not ever in the nude. These things to which I have confessed, They do not count, if we stayed dressed. It never happened with a cigar. I never dated Mrs. Starr. I did not know this little sin, Would be retold on CNN. I broke some rules my mama taught me. I tried to hide, but now you've caught me. But I implore, I do beseech, Do not condemn, do not impeach. I might have got a little tail, But never, never did inhale.

To: Mad2 who wrote (1055)	12/24/1998 4:01:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

One liners from Santa I know when you've been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister! Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? Some of my best toys run on batteries... wink wink I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you? Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list! Wanna join the "Mile High" club? That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes thru his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady". They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pussy", to which he responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!

To: Mad2 who wrote (1055)	12/25/1998 7:34:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it. Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair. The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?" The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said, "Don't you think if that was true that you would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?"