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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (8403)	1/14/1999 10:44:00 AM
From: Daniel Miller	Respond to of 62549

lol

To: The Rabbit who wrote (8403)	1/14/1999 11:00:00 AM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

WANNA BET ? A woman walked into the Bank of Canada, one day, carrying a bag full of money worth over half a million dollars. She asked to open an account. The teller, realizing how much money was involved, suggested she see the Bank President and presently ushered her into his office. He started filling out the forms, but couldn't resist asking her how she had acquired such a large sum of money. She told him she'd won a bet. "A bet?" said the President. "What kind of bet?" "Well", said the woman, "for example, I'll bet you $50,000.00 that by noon tomorrow, you'll have square balls." The President burst into laughter. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You can't possibly win that bet!" "So", said the woman, "will you take my bet?" "Sure!", said the President, still laughing uproariously. The woman said, "Fine, but since there's a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer along as a witness?" "I don't see why not.", replied the President, "I'll see you tomorrow at noon." All that night, the President kept checking, looking in the mirror and turning from side to side, making sure his balls were round and hadn't altered in any way. By morning, he was confident there was no way the woman was going to win. That day, precisely at noon, the woman appeared in the President's office with her lawyer. She repeated the bet, saying "$50,000.00 says, right now, you have square balls!" The President agreed that was the bet. The woman asked him to drop his pants so they could view his balls. Considering the large amount of money involved, the President complied. The woman bent down, peering closely at his testicles. She then asked if she might feel them. Again, the President agreed. After stroking his balls for a few moments, the woman straightened up, saying, with a smile on her face, "You're absolutely correct. Your balls are perfectly round." The President, delighted, said, "So, if you've lost, how come you're smiling and what's the matter with you're lawyer?" The lawyer was tearing his hair out in clumps, moaning and groaning and banging his head against the wall. "You see," said the woman, "I bet my lawyer $100,000.00 that by noon today, I'd be fondling the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!!"

To: The Rabbit who wrote (8403)	1/15/1999 2:27:00 PM
From: Marty Rubin	Respond to of 62549

passed copies to friends. they liked it as long as you aint on the other side. thanks! eom-)

To: The Rabbit who wrote (8403)	1/19/1999 8:54:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After a few trips the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng."Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells testily. "No," croaks the feeble old man...."But it's startin' to twitch." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A-1 construction company is putting up a skyscraper in downtown New York. It's Hard-hat Joey's first day working on the fifty-third floor. At about 11:30, after a morning of riveting, he starts to feel nature calling. He finds his foreman and asks "Hey boss jew think I can go down and take a piss real quick." "Hey Joey, ya know I can't do dat" his boss replies, "It'll take ya 10 minutes to get down, and another ten to get back up. That's 20 min- utes I just can't spare. Ya know we gotta get this job done by next week." "I tell ya what" says the foreman. "I'll stick this here plank out da window, you go out dere and uh do what ya gotta do." Joey inches his way out on to the plank, unzips his pants and starts to piss. Meanwhile the phone rings inside. The foreman, forgetting he was holding the plank for Joey and not wanting to miss the call runs over to answer it. Needless to say Joey falls and dies. The next week there is an inquiry into Joey's death and the foreman gets brought up on charges of murder. The prosecution has one witness that was on the 25th floor. When asked to give his view of what hap- pened, the witness looks around, leans forward and says, "you know what I think? I think it had to do with sex. Maybe they were quar- reling lovers." The foreman incensed, stands up and yells "what the hell kinda crap is that?" "Well," says the witness, "when the deceased passed the 25th floor he was holding his dick and screaming where'd that cock sucker go?!'"