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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (8491)	1/19/1999 10:23:00 AM
From: Bryan Steffen	Respond to of 62549

In 1991, the University of Texas funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After UT published the study, Texas A&M decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Texas Tech, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 3 weeks and a cost of around $75.47, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (8491)	1/19/1999 10:31:00 AM
From: Bryan Steffen	Respond to of 62549

A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she's very attractive. He's interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together. She agrees and a very close match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer and she wins their little competition on the last hole. He congratulates her in the car park then offers to give her a lift when he sees she doesn't have a car. All in all it's been a highly enjoyable morning. On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning's company and competition and says she hasn't enjoyed herself so much on the course for a long time. "In fact," she says, "I'd like you to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated everything." He pulls over, they kiss and she shows him her appreciation by giving him a blowjob. The next morning he spies her at the first tee and suggests they play together again. He's actually quite competitive and slightly peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they have a magnificent day, enjoying each other's company and playing a tight, competitive round of golf. Again she beats him at the last, again he drives her home and again she shows her appreciation. This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day. This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned: dinner for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of passion in the penthouse apartment of a posh hotel. Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she can't agree to this. He can't work out what the fuss is about but eventually she admits the reason. "You see," she tearfully sobs, "I'm a transvestite." He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion. "I'm sorry," she repeats. "You bastard," he screams, red in the face, "You cheating bastard. You've been playing off the red tees all week!!"

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (8491)	1/19/1999 8:59:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a "redneck" joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs. and a redneck. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and a redneck. The fella next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. And a redneck. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The first guy says, "Nah. I don't want to have to explain it three times." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On theway to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down four more times. They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man went to confession and said, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." The priest asked if he would like to confess his sins, and the man replied that he had used the "F-word" over the weekend. The priest said, "Oh, okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language." The man replied that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word." The priest sighed and told him to continue. "Well, father, I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church." The priest said, "And you got upset over that and swore?" The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees." The priest said, "And that's when you swore." The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree." The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?" The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in it's sharp talons and flew away." The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?" The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole." The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt!!!"