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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (8505)	1/20/1999 11:43:00 AM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Sayings that should be on buttons... · Hell, this day was a total waste of makeup. · Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. · Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? · Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. · .Do I look like a freakin' people person? · This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. · I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. · I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. · If I throw a stick, will you leave? · You! Off my planet! · Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. · Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control. · Bottomless pit of needs & wants. · I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. · If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. · Does your train of thought have a caboose? · Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? · Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. · Let me show you how the guards used to do it. · And just how may I screw you over today? · And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? · I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. · If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil. · See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. · A PBS mind in an MTV world. · Allow me to introduce my selves. · Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. · Better living through denial. · Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. · Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. · I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. · Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. · I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. · I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. · A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. · Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. · After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs? · Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? · Back off! You're standing in my aura. · I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. · Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! · Adults are just kids who owe money. · How many times do I have to flush before you go away? · I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? · I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? · I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. · You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. · Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? · Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong. · Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? · Not all me are annoying. Some are dead. · Too many freaks, not enough circuses. · Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done. · Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. · Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. · Is it time for your medication or mine? · Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me? · I plead contemporary insanity. · And which dwarf are you? · I refuse to star in your psychodrama. · I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. · How do I set a laser printer to stun? · It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size. · Meandering to a different drummer. · I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. · I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? · I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier.