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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Voltaire who wrote (8531)	1/22/1999 9:57:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

THE SMARTER SEX A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God! The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this expensive bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

To: Voltaire who wrote (8531)	1/22/1999 11:25:00 PM
From: ManyMoose	Respond to of 62549

<<I'll just hold her by the ears.>> That explains why Monica could not get plastic surgery to remove her love handles. (It would damage her hearing!)

To: Voltaire who wrote (8531)	1/23/1999 10:50:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

This fellow was walking home from work one evening, very depressed. He was married to a nagging woman who was constantly switching between treating him nice and tearing down his self esteem. To add to it, his best friend was to be hanged that night for a capital crime. He stomped into the house and slammed the door, sunk in his self-pity. His wife said, "Honey, what's the problem?" "They're hanging my best friend, Tony Wright, tonight!" "I understand, go take a bath. I'll get supper ready for you, Sweetie, and you can go down to see him before the hanging. Now, won't that make you feel better?" He decided to not make it worse and agrees with her proposal. Well, while she was getting supper the paper came, hitting the front door with a plop. She picked it up and opened it. The heading said, She knew her husband would want to know immediately and hearing the great news would really lift his spirits, so she went up the stairs and opened the bathroom door. There he was, bent over and naked, cleaning the tub. She said, "Honey, they're not hanging Wright tonight!" He answered, "The same old story. First you're nice and then bitch, bitch, bitch!!!"