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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (8561)	1/25/1999 6:51:00 PM
From: DirkZ	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A Bigger bug than the Y2K Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug. As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months or even weeks, that number will roll over to 100GB. McDonald's signs, however, were designed years ago, when the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed unthinkably remote. So the signs have only two decimal places. This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald's signs will read "00 Billion Burgers Sold." This, experts predict, will convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald's hamburgers have ever in fact been sold, causing a complete collapse of consumer confidence in McDonald's products. The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales is seen as almost certain to force the already-troubled company into bankruptcy. This, in turn, will push the teetering American economy over the brink, which, finally, will complete the total devastation of the global economy, ending civilization as we know it, and forcing us all to live on beetles. "The people who know -- the sign-makers -- are really scared of 100GB", one expert said. "I don't know about you, but I'm digging up a copy of THE FIELD GUIDE TO NORTH AMERICAN INSECTS and heading for the hills."

To: Edwarda who wrote (8561)	2/1/1999 2:20:00 PM
From: Neenny	Respond to of 62549

Edwarda, Does this sound familiar?? A Bloke's Software Compatibility Problems I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies 1.0 runs fine as long as Girlfriend is run in the background mode and the sound is turned off. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf and Skiing programs, often trying to shut down Golf and or Skiing with some sort of timing incompatibility. On a positive note, DrinkingBuddies 1.0 and Golf/Skiing seem to have no incompatibilities whatsoever. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from Girlfriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right. As soon as I purged my cache, and realized that no one in their right mind was installing new Token Rings anymore, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed Girlfriend 3.0 beta. Unfortunately, there was a bug in the program and the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0 This time I used a SCSI (pronounced scuzzy) probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that Girlfriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of Girlfriend and communicates with it in some way. This results in the immediate removal of both versions. The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of Girlfriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less re-program. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is "object-oriented." A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girlfriend to Girlfriend Plus 1.0, which is Terminate and Stay Resident version of Girlfriend. He discovered that Girlfriend Plus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancée 1.0. So he did, but soon after that,he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space and he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it supposedly came bundled with a feature called FreeSexPlus. Well, it turn out the resource requirements of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.