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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (1252)	1/28/1999 10:10:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Subject: quotes8.txt Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. --Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.) If silence is golden, not many people can be arrested for hoarding. --E.C. McKenzie Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --John Kenneth Galbraith Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. --Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" Justice is incidental to law and order. --J. Edgar Hoover What is a magician but a practicing theorist? --Obi-Wan Kenobi Sooner or later you must pay for your sins. (Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune.) You can always tell a real friend: When you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. --Lawrence J. Peter Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance. You can't act like a skunk without someone getting wind of it. --Doug Larson When you flee temptations don't leave a forwarding address. Remember. The mightiest oak was once a little nut that held its ground. Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance. A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." --Stephen Crane Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health. If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? --Richard Nixon Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. Laws of Serendipity: 1. In order to discover anything, you must be looking for something. 2. If you wish to make an improved product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior one. Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with? If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number. Surprise due today. Also the rent. Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier. In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make it better. Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you. "It's easier said than done." ... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that 'it's easier done than said' than it is done," which really proves that "it's easier said than done." The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says: Support your right to bare arms! Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..." Famous last words: 1. Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix. 2. Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there. 3. What happens if you touch these two wires tog. 4. We won't need reservations. 5. It's always sunny there this time of the year. 6. Don't worry, it's not loaded. 7. They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager. The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat --Ogden Nash. Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless. Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it. Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head. Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. --Winston Churchill Speak softly and carry a 6' two-handed sword. I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. --Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"