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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Frederick Meacoe who wrote (8588)	1/28/1999 3:28:00 PM
From: eWhartHog	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

ANONYMOUS MESSAGE FROM BRITAIN Excellent, this new voice recognition software will make it much easier for us to communicate with our loyal subjects. We haven't had this much fun since that bitch Diana died. Damn...empty...MOTHER, where'd you put the bloody gin decanter? Oh sod it, how do we erase that last paragraph? F1, F2...oh SHIT, we sent it!!

To: Frederick Meacoe who wrote (8588)	1/28/1999 9:35:00 PM
From: Gary H	Respond to of 62549

A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches. "Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man. "Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minute. Thank you." "And for you, sir?" she asks the parrot. "A double whisky and coke, bitch, and make it quick, I'm thirsty!" demands the parrot The stewardess returns a few minutes later with the parrot's drink, which he snatches without a word. "Excuse me," says the man, "but I ordered a coffee". "Did you, sir? I'm sorry, I'll get you one straight away." By which time the parrot has finished his drink. "Anything else for you, sir?" the stewardess asks the parrot. "Yeah, I want another double whisky and coke, tart. Quick, bitch, I can't wait all night!" Again the stewardess returns with the parrot's drink and without the coffee. Naturally the man thinks the only way he is going to get any service is to adopt the attitude of his fellow passenger. "Listen here you stupid slapper," he says to the stewardess, "I want my bloody coffee and I want it now, you cow!" Two minutes later the stewardess returns, but this time with two enormous security guards, who proceed to manhandle the man and the parrot to the back of the plane, opens the door and ejects them from the plane. As they hurtle uncontrollably towards earth from 6 miles up the parrot turns to the man and says, "You're a bit of a lippy bastard for someone who can't fly, aren't you!"