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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (1572)	2/24/1999 1:03:00 AM
From: richard surckla	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

TREETOPFLIER+++++OT+++OT+++ I read em all. You're still the best. You must be a pro and make a living with your wit. In any event, you and the others are great, keep me laughing. Thanks to ALL!

To: treetopflier who wrote (1572)	2/24/1999 11:13:00 PM
From: KZAP	Respond to of 2733

Not a joke, a funny true story! WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde. KZAP

To: treetopflier who wrote (1572)	2/25/1999 9:27:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

Blonde on a Diet ********************************************************************* A blonde woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping. ********************************************************************* PSN