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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (1622)	3/3/1999 10:02:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Q: What are three words you most dread hearing while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home." Q: What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales? A: White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time....". Black fairy Tales starts, "Yo, you motherfucers ain't gonna believe this sht....." Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q: What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehovah's Witness? A: Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fu*k off! Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm? A: Because men fake foreplay. Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick! Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? A: Dating children. Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball? A: A guy will actually search for a golfball. Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A: She knows she's given her last blow job. Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it? Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the lightbulb. Q. What's the definition of Trust? A. Two cannibals giving each other a blow job. Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass? A. Pleasing! Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo! Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand... Q: When is a pixie not a pixie? A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'. Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself. Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks. Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job. PSN

To: Barney who wrote (1622)	3/4/1999 11:36:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

TOO BAD *********************************************************************** Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?" "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish." "Great, can I try it?" "Sure." First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie." The guy says, "I want a million bucks!" "Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open, and in comes, pouring ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door. "I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- PSN

To: Barney who wrote (1622)	3/4/1999 11:40:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Secret of my success ----------------------------------------------------------------------- One night, while tending bar, the bartender notices this hideous looking fella at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him, and he walks down to where the ugly man is. The bartender says, "Please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've ever seen. In fact, you're quite ugly. Now, normally, I would think these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir, what is it about you that these women are so crazy about?" The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, "I haven't the foggiest idea." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- PSN