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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: EddieMacG who wrote (1638)	3/3/1999 9:31:00 PM
From: Hart	Respond to of 2733

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "They don't serve beer here, you moron!" The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"

To: EddieMacG who wrote (1638)	3/3/1999 9:38:00 PM
From: Hart	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Little Johnny Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the schoolyard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are. The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!" The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!" Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"

To: EddieMacG who wrote (1638)	3/3/1999 9:46:00 PM
From: Hart	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Cannibal Humor ============== -Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you? -That reminds me of the cannibal that passed his friend in the woods. -When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten. -What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A celebrity roast. -What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder. -What is a cannibal's favorite game? Swallow the leader. -Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it. -Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher? -Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man. -Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes. -A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

To: EddieMacG who wrote (1638)	3/4/1999 11:13:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

4 out of 5 dentist do not recommend this ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the bar at a hotel that was hosting a convention of personal hygiene product salesmen. He sat down at a table with some of his brethren. Immediately one of the other salesmen accosted him: "Hey Bill! We were just talking about you. Your territory sucks! Nobody was ever able to make a living in it before you. But now, you son-of-a-bitch, you win the all-expense-paid trip to Vegas three years in a row, selling almost twice as much as anyone else in the whole Southwest region! How in the hell do you do it?" Bill replied, "Its easy! I take a big engraved silver bowl and fill it up with fresh dogshit. Next I garnish it carefully with parsley sprigs, celery stalks, scallions, olives and thin-sliced red bell pepper rings. I take this to the airport and set it on a table on an elegantly embroidered white tablecloth. I serve samples on cocktail wafers to all who pass by. As soon as someone takes a bite they usually say 'Jesus Christ!! This stuff tastes like SHIT!!' I reply 'Yessir! EXACTLY what it is! Would you care to buy a toothbrush?' " ----------------------------------------------------------------------- PSN

To: EddieMacG who wrote (1638)	3/4/1999 3:50:00 PM
From: Mad2	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Pickled pink Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."