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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Lacelle who wrote (8865)	3/5/1999 4:27:00 PM
From: Thomas Scharf	Respond to of 62549

Ted Kennedy approached President Clinton after hearing his recent address to the nation and said, "Mr. President, I just want you to know that if there's anything I can do to help, anything at all, just ask." Clinton replied, "Could you drive Monica home?"

To: John Lacelle who wrote (8865)	3/5/1999 10:16:00 PM
From: ToolManInc	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

John...not even close to funny. Your post was in very poor taste. What if someone from your family was involved in that accident?

To: John Lacelle who wrote (8865)	3/6/1999 1:01:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

What help wanted ad did Monica Lewinsky answer? Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the Presidency! There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon. It will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory. Did you hear that when this scandal is over that Monica plans to sell Her story? She said she will tell it Blow by Blow. What's Monica going to title her memories? "How to suckseed in the Oval Office without really trying!" Why can't they prosecute Bill Clinton? Monica swallowed the evidence Why does Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks? She's withholding evidence. What's the difference between Clinton and a screw driver? A screw driver turns in screws and Clinton screws interns. Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill? Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face. Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's appearance. "She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!" Bill's nickname for Hillary is, "My little buttercup" "His nickname for Monica? "My little suctioncup"

To: John Lacelle who wrote (8865)	3/6/1999 1:06:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

A Woman's Random Thoughts----------------- I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give a shit. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen bitch... do it and you die." The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.) I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"

To: John Lacelle who wrote (8865)	3/6/1999 7:06:00 PM
From: Chip Anderson	Respond to of 62549

Speaking of tasteless... ==================================== A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?" ================== Chip coolhistory.com "Just Updated"