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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (8893)	3/8/1999 9:34:00 PM
From: Pat W.	Respond to of 62549

Grandma Writes: The other day I went to the local religious bookstore where I saw a "Honk if you really love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it, and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I am really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord, and did not notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked. I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord, because very soon he leaned out his window and yelled "Jesus Christ", as loud as he could. Why, it was like a football game with him shouting "Go, Jesus Christ, Go"! Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I had recently asked my two grandsons what that meant. They kind of looked at each other, giggled, and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment, that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed. I stepped on the gas. It was a good thing I did, because I was the only car to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian Good Luck sign as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Love you all, Grandma

To: John Messbauer who wrote (8893)	3/8/1999 9:59:00 PM
From: Pat W.	Respond to of 62549

(Must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch. So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no sheet onna my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheet on my bed. He say you better not sheet onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he calla me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy.