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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Carole Olkowski who wrote (9012)	3/18/1999 8:17:00 AM
From: emidio	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

> GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION: > > Name:______________ Stage name: ________________ > > Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________ > > Sex:___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female____both > > If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ > > Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a > motor vehicle? > Yes___ No ___ > > Please list: > Brand of cell phone: ________. (If you don't own a cell phone, explain.) > > Please check hair color: > > Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde > Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead > > Please check activities you perform while driving: > (Check all that apply) > > [ ] Eating > [ ] Applying make-up > [ ] Talking on the phone > [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat > [ ] Having sex > [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs > [ ] Tanning > [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application) > [ ] Watching TV > [ ] Reading Variety > [ ] Surfing the net via laptop > > Please indicate how many times: > a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and > b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving. > > TEST > > If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately: > a) Call the police to report the crime; > b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the > news on a > high-speed chase; > c) Call your attorney and discuss a lawsuit against cellular phone > company > for 911 > call not going through; > d) Call your therapist; > e) None of the above (South Central residents only). > > In the event of an earthquake, should you: > a) stop your car, > b) keep driving and hope for the best, > c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones, or > d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4? > > In the instance of rain, you should: > a) never drive over 5 MPH, > b) drive twice as fast as usual, or > c) you're not sure what "rain" is. > > Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____. > > Are you presently taking any of the following medications? > a) Prozac; > b) Zovirax; > c) Lithium; > d) Xanax; > e) Valium. > If none, please explain: __________________. > > Length of daily commute: > a) 1 hour; > b) 2 hours; > c) 3 hours; > d) 4 hours or more. > > When stopped by police, should you > a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready, > b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the highway, > c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus > ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?