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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stephanie M who wrote (9033)	3/24/1999 8:20:00 AM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

More MEN & WOMEN COMPARED NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

To: Stephanie M who wrote (9033)	3/25/1999 9:49:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

The Drawings Little Johnny has been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though. Little johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny. Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and says "oh boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"