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Pastimes : Ask God -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: David fisk who wrote (24948)	3/24/1999 2:50:00 PM
From: mark silvers	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 39621

To All-- I thought this might lighten the mood........ Bible Jokes > Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? > A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. > > Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? > A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew > out a little prophet. > > Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? > A. Ruth-less. > > Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? > A. Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years. > > Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? > A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. > A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. > A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord. > A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: > "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement." > > Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? > A. Samson. He brought the house down. > > Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? > A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck > out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants > and the Angels were rained out. > > Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? > A. They were really put out. > > Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were > kicked out? > A. They really raised Cain. > > Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no > longer lived in Eden? > A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. > > Q. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window > to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories? > A. They used floodlights. > > Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? > A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep. > > Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? > A. The thought had never entered his head before. > > Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? > A. German Shepherds. > > Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise? > A. Turn right and go straight. > > Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker > in the Bible? > A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments at once. > > Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? > A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing. > > Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? > A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, > but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by > the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me." > > Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? > A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's's court. > > Q Which Bible character had no parents? > A Joshua, son of Nun. > >

To: David fisk who wrote (24948)	3/25/1999 4:22:00 PM
From: PROLIFE	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 39621

Something for us all to remember: The Devil's Convention Satan called a worldwide convention. In his opening address to his evil angels, he said, "We can't keep the Christians from going to church. We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from conservative values. But we can do something else. We can keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship experience in Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken. So let them go to church, let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they can't gain that experience in Jesus Christ. This is what I want you to do, angels. Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?", shouted his angels. "Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent un-numbered schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, then borrow, borrow, borrow. Convince the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6 or 7 days a week, 10 - 12 hours a day, so they can afford their lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work." "Over stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still small voice. Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive, to keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their homes. And see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical, contradicting music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ." "Fill their coffee tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, sweepstakes, mail order catalogs, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services, and false hopes." "Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from their recreation exhausted, disquieted, and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to Amusement parks, sporting events, concerts, and movies instead. "And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotion." "Let them be involved in soul-winning. But crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Christ. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause." It was quite a convention in the end. And the evil angels went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busy, busy, busy and rush here and there. Has the devil been successful at his scheme? You be the judge in your walk.

To: David fisk who wrote (24948)	8/3/1999 9:53:00 PM
From: David fisk	Respond to of 39621

There can be no other message except the love of God and all it brings to mind. The reality of the existence of God and His love is solidified by the enormous testimony of evil by satan. No doubt, since satan exists, God does also. " It was a mountain one-room school house where severe discipline was used to keep the rowdyism of uninterested pupils in check. The noon recess was ended and the teacher was interrogating the class with regard to the disappearance of Sally Jane's lunch. After a few minutes of verbal threats and demands, a sob was heard. It was little Billy--a thin, undernourished child. His family was the poorest of the poor. "Did you take Sally Jane's lunch?" demanded the teacher. "Yes, sir," mumbled Billy through his tears. "I was hungry." "Nevertheless, you did wrong to steal and you must be punished," declared the teacher. As the teacher removed the leather strap from its place on the wall, Billy was ordered to the front of the room and told to remove his shirt. The arm of the teacher was raised over the bent and trembling form of little Billy. "HOLD IT, TEACHER!" shouted a husky voice from the rear of the room. It was Big Jim striding down the aisle removing his shirt as he came. "Let me take his whipp'n," he begged. The teacher was aghast, but knowing that justice must be demonstrated, he consented and laid the belt to the back of Big Jim with such force that even the stronger boy winced and his eyes watered. But Billy never forgot the day that Big Jim took his place. --James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988) pp. 34-35. Jesus paid it all. In Christ, David