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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (9059)	3/27/1999 1:04:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Seer Fails To Predict Penis Attack Thursday March 25 10:57 AM ET dailynews.yahoo.com TAIPEI (Reuters) - The Taiwan fortune-teller never saw it coming. His wife severed his penis and flushed it down a toilet after he refused to end an extramarital affair. The woman, who turned herself in to police after the incident, told reporters she was furious about her 60-year-old husband's affair and lost control. She spiked her husband's drink with sleeping pills and used a knife to slash off his sexual organ as he slept, authorities said. The man's life was not in danger, but doctors said the damage was permanent.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (9059)	3/29/1999 3:00:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up Q: How can you tell if you are at a bulimic bachelor party? A: The cake jumps out of the girl Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A: Full Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak Q: How is pubic hair like parsley? A: You push it to the side before you start eating. Q: What is blonde, has six legs and roams Michael Jackson's dream every night? A: Hanson Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? A: Made her chain too long Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw Q: What do you call a dog with 4" legs and 6" steel balls? A: Sparky Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky? A: Wayne takes a shower after three periods. Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing? A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in kid's underpants? A: Michael Jackson's hand. Q: How is a woman like a condom? A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken? A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike? A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end, you lose your house Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you Q: What's the diff between love, true love, and showing off? A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling. Q: What has four legs and no ears? A: Mike Tyson's dog Q. What is the leading cause in death with lesbians? A: Hair balls. Q. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive Q. What can Life Savers do that men cannot? A: Come in five flavors Q. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy? A: Crust Q. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork Q. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing Q. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together? A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection Q. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? A: By sticking your finger in his honey Q. What is the ultimate rejection? A: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep Q. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election. Q. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it Q. What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A blow job with handle bars Q. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates? A: A mobile sperm bank. Q. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head? A: All you can eat for under a buck. Q. What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside. Q: What three two-letter words denote "small"? A: "Is it in?" Q: Moms have Mothers Day, Fathers have Fathers Day. What do Single guys have? A: Palm Sunday Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you. Q: Why do chicken coops have two doors? A: Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan.