Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (9240)	4/10/1999 3:30:00 PM
From: Zencone	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (9240)	4/13/1999 12:35:00 AM
From: Neenny	Respond to of 62554

Clinton's Hell Bill Clinton passed away and went to Hell. The Devil said to him, "Since you're the President, you get a choice of eternal punishments. You can look behind these three doors and choose what punishment you want. However, you cannot go back to a door, you either choose that punishment or reject it and move on. You must accept one punishment." Bill opens the first door, and sees Richard Nixon at the bottom of a deep pit. The pit is red-hot. Demons stand around the rim of the pit, throwing sharp rocks down on Nixon's head. Bill says, "No way could I take that for all eternity." He moves to the second door. He opens the second door, and sees Franklin Roosevelt strapped into his wheelchair. Demons push FDR's wheelchair down a steep ski jump. FDR flies through the air and lands in a briar patch. The demons drag FDR out and drag him up to the top of the ski jump for another trip. Bill says, "I couldn't take that for all eternity." He moves to the third door. He opens the third door, and sees a damp, musty dungeon. Judge Starr is shackled to the wall. Monica Lewinsky is on her knees in front of Ken Starr, demonstrating her talent for oral ministrations. Bill turns to the Devil and says, "Now I can sure spend eternity in this place." The Devil says, "Very well. Miss Lewinsky, you can go now. Your replacement has arrived.

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (9240)	4/18/1999 1:21:00 AM
From: Neenny	Respond to of 62554

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding night." She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing. "That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises. "Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt I should scream." "You're absolutely right sweetheart," the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. "Now why were you laughing?" she asked. "You always said if it tickled, I could laugh," she answered. "True enough, honey." The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. "Now it's your turn, baby," she said turning to her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" "Mom, don't you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full." ______________________________________________________________________