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Pastimes : Double Zero -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tom C who wrote (3956)	4/13/1999 8:26:00 PM
From: Razorbak	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4295

Just reach through the mail slot. I think everything is right there, including the keys. ;^)

To: Tom C who wrote (3956)	6/27/1999 9:56:00 PM
From: Razorbak	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4295

FBNA Shares Tom: I just received my FBNA shares in the mail. Tanks! (sic) Woo-woo!!! <g> BTW, you seem to be a little short-handed right now, so I thought I might be able to help. Please accept the following letter as a formal Job Application for the new position of Sanitation Engineer. Best regards, Razor datek.com >>>>>>>> June 27, 1999 Tom C Chief Executive Officer FBN Associates RE: POSITION OF SANITATION ENGINEER Dear Mr. C: This letter is in relation to the position of "Sanitation Engineer" at "Fly By Night Associates (FBNA)". Although this new position has not yet been advertised in any of the local newspapers, I would still like to apply because I think you can use my help. Enclosed is my resume including two references. I would also like to express my sincerest regret concerning the previous occupant of the mailroom. I understand that Svejk is now at the Cafe. No need to go through the Cafe e-mail address anymore, just e-mail his boss, who's got his SvejkBook with him. Don't rightly know what a SvejkBook is, but I suspect it's a cross between a CzechBook and a PowerBook. He did, however, ask me to tell you that the Czech's in the male. ;-) Having been present outside of your esteemed establishment on many occasions, I am impressed not just with the well-packaged nature of your product, but also the high level of understanding for customer needs displayed by many of your employees. Peering through the mail slot, however, I can't help but notice that things are getting kinda messy inside the office. The trash can under the shredder is over-flowing, and there's a big pile of letters stacking up next to the mail slot. Furthermore, it looks like Svejk's mongrels left a bunch of dogsh!t all over the floor right before he left. I believe I am suitable for the position because: 1. I am a member of the 'Sus scrofa' species, officially known as a 'wild boar', but commonly referred to as a 'pig'. dictionary.com 2. Like all other members of the 'Sus scrofa' species, I am considered to be an expert on dirt and mud. 3. I have a wide range of contacts in the dirt and mud industries. 4. I have many resources to ensure that all dirt and mud around me gets cleaned up promptly. 5. I am razor sharp, and I am generally considered to be a nice animal. (Uhhh... OK, so one out of two ain't bad. <g>) 6. I have been told throughout my career that I am not bad at 'Nothing'. 7. Last but not least, good 'Sanitation Engineers' help reduce clutter, and I certainly have requisite experience since I have developed a 'parsing' technique called 'Bifurcation'. This is helpful with filing press releases — keeping the ones with factual information separated from the others, and generally keeping evidence well sorted so that nobody confuses good evidence with bad evidence, or actual evidence with non-existant evidence. In fact, I am the very best at keeping non-existant evidence from ever being seen at all. Hence, I should be the perfect Fly By Night associate! Needless to say, I believe that there are inevitably no obstacles to the attainment of a clean Company office. My philosophy is that one can never underestimate the importance of being surrounded by 'Nothingness'. <g> I would be happy to begin work this coming Monday (June 28th) at 9am. Yours faithfully, Razorbak (a/k/a "Razor") >>>>>>>> ATTACHMENTS Resume: Member 3439990 Reference #1: Papa Boar, turnrnd.com Reference #2: Sister Razi, turnrnd.com Other Areas of Expertise: A. I have much experience in the sale of recreational pharmaceuticals. <Hic!> B. I have long been a vendor of electronic products at local hotel establishments. C. My skills in cash handling are startling. D. You are the grandfather of my soon-to-be-born son. Oops! Sorry, wrong application!! Forget about the 'Other Areas of Expertise'. So many jobs, and so little time. <Heheh> ;^)