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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: emidio who wrote (9409)	4/27/1999 1:18:00 PM
From: Stephanie M	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

The following signs suggests you're lost in that wasteland between the X and the Baby Boom: * You remember when Jordache jeans were cool. * In your fifth grade class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up. * You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song. * The "Brady Bunch" movie brought back cool memories. * You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!" * Three words: Atari, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar. * You remember the days when "safe sex" meant that your parents were gone for the weekend. * You remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV. * A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid. * While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying. * You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was. * You took family trips before the invention of the minivan. * You rode in the back of the station wagon and faced the cars behind you. * You watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time. * You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger... When I was your age... You know, back when... * "Schoolhouse Rock" played a huge part in how you actually learned the English language. * You're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing. * You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video. * The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during "Crazy for You," by Madonna. * You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old Big Wheel quite obsolete. * "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter. * You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in "Tron." * Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting." * You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but "not in the last five years, okay?!" * You're starting to believe now that maybe having the kids go to school year round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. * You're doing absolutely nothing pertaining to your major. * You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon. * U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now. * You ever used the phrase "Kiss mah grits!" in conversation. * You remember trying to guess the episode of the "Brady Bunch" from the first scene. * You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman, Wonder Woman, or the Six Million Dollar Man. * You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding on "General Hospital." * You remember, "Hey, let's be careful out there." * Your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway. * You know who shot JR. * This rings a bell: "...and my name is Charlie. They work for me." * You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on after all. * You know all the words to the double album set of "Grease." * You ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut. * You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed 867-5309 and asked for Jenny. * "All skate, change directions," means something to you. * You owned a pair of rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear. * You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." * You owned a preppy handbook. * You can clap along to "Mickey" with the best of them. * The cop, the sailor, the biker, the cowboy, the Indian, and the construction worker. * You remember when leg warmers were the thing to wear. * Some of your favorite commercials involved Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo-Berry. * You tried dancing like the gopher on "Caddyshack." * "Come On Eileen" will always have a place in your heart. * You remember cigarette commercials on TV. * You can relate to most outfits worn on "American Bandstand" reruns. * You can name at least 6 Superfriends. * "PUPPY POWER!!!" means something to you. * You always wondered why the professor could make a damn car with bamboo, but he could never build a boat to get them off the island. * You know by heart the theme songs to "Happy Days," "Laverne and Shirley," and "Three's Company." * You get fond memories watching "Muppet Show" reruns. * You remember Michael Jackson as a black man. * Parachute pants. * You needed one glove just like Michael. * One word: breakdancing. * You remember running around outside, pointing up in the sky, yelling "Da plane, da plane!" * You could never believe the things you saw on "That's Incredible." * You know at least 10 Helen Keller jokes. * You were too young to go see "The Blue Lagoon" so you just had to settle for second hand reports. * You remember when there was only PG and R - none of this PG-13 crap. * You learned to swim about the same time as "Jaws" came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day. * You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector switch. * You actually believed everything Leonard Nimoy told you on "In Search Of..." * Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those brick sized packages of Bazooka gum. * Bo and Luke Duke. * VCRs cost $2,000. * There was nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together. * Rotary dial telephones. * You actually believed that Mikey, famed for his Life cereal commercials, died after eating a packet of Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke. * The theme song to "The Greatest American Hero" still comes back to you on occasion. * "Bueller? Bueller?" omg, this is me all the way!!! singin......"youv'e got the look I want to know better, you've got the look that's altogether...blah blah blah...the Jordache look"...lololol and The Greatest American Hero was one of my favorite tv shows! oh oh one more thing...remember those Candies shoes with the spike heels??? lol.....

To: emidio who wrote (9409)	5/1/1999 10:17:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

There were two Jewish women (Ruth and Golda) walking along the street. Ruth says to Golda, "My son, Irving, is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but... he thinks she may have a disease called herpes. Golda says to Ruth, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?" Ruth answers, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement. It's past time he's settled. As far as the herpes goes...who knows?" "Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary at home -- I'll look it up and call you. " So, Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth... "Ruth, keinahurra (thank goodness!), I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to gets some what passionate. SO they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not supposed to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple. Being embarrassed at being caught said yes and apologized. "Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket." So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for. He responded...."doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh, a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this crap?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face. "Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again." "What dream?" asked the shrink, not really paying attention. "You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?"