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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stephanie M who wrote (9412)	4/27/1999 3:00:00 PM
From: John J H Kim	Respond to of 62550

* The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it. * Hillary's new book: “It takes a village ...... to satisfy my husband.” * How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they're too busy screwing the President. * Slick Willie's new nickname: President-erect. * Most people worry about getting Aids from sex. Bill worries about getting Sex from aides. * Clinton's pet name for Hillary: “My little buttercup.” for Monica: “My little suction-cup.” * Did you hear that Monica is now working for 7-11? She's endorsing the “Big Gulp.” * Why is Clinton so interested in the Middle East? He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar. * Clinton's new Secret Service code name: The Unibanger. * Clinton's reply to accusations that he coached Monica on her testimony: “It wasn't words that I put in her mouth.” * New press name for the latest Presidential scandal: Fornigate. * A reference from Monica's Resume: Sat on the Presidential Staff. * If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same thing? * Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense team. The new line is .... “If she spit, you must acquit!” Guys and Dolls Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Any married man should forget his mistakes: there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.