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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: George Coyne who wrote (9528)	5/7/1999 9:05:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62549

PARENTS' DICTIONARY: > Dumbwaiter - One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. > Family Planning - The art of spacing your children the proper distance > apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. > Feedback - The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the > strained carrots. > Grandparents - The people who think your children are wonderful even > though they are sure that you are not raising them properly. > Hearsay - What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. > Independent - What we want our children to be as long as they do > everything we say. > Ow - The first word spoken by children with older siblings. > Prenatal - When your life was still somewhat your own. > Puddle - A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry > shoes into it. > Show Off - A child who is more talented than yours. > Sterilize - What you do to your first baby's pacifier by > boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. > Top Bunk - Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. > Two-Minute Warning - When the baby's face turns red and she begins to > make those familiar grunting noises. > Verbal - Able to whine in words. > Whodunit - None of the kids that live in your house.

To: George Coyne who wrote (9528)	5/7/1999 1:35:00 PM
From: Robert	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

I remembered the part about the horse (HA HA), and so I simply searched "This Subject Only" using the search function at the bottom of any page. Now, back to bizness . . . * * * * * This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, the person is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "termination without cause". This is from the taped conversation leading up to dismissal: "WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing? "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!" "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh-huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh,it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."