Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: pavlov 1 who wrote (9548)	5/8/1999 11:37:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Sex Shop, Others Mark 'National Masturbation Day' Friday May 7 5:41 PM ET dailynews.yahoo.com By Yukari Iwatani SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - San Franciscans held a party Friday ''to de-stigmatize and celebrate the under-recognized activity of self-love.'' The occasion being marked at a local sex shop was ''National Masturbation Day,'' and the San Francisco sex campaigners who organized the erotic festival and ''Masturbate-a-thon'' said it was part of a drive to liberate people's sexuality. ''We wanted a fun way to bring masturbation out of the closet and affirm that masturbation is a healthy, positive part of your sexuality,'' said Laura Weide, spokeswoman for Good Vibrations, a women-owned San Francisco sex shop and mail order business. According to the 22-year-old store, participants in the ''Masturbate-a-thon'' have asked sponsors to donate money for each minute that they masturbate during the day in support of four AIDS and HIV organizations in San Francisco, Seattle, New York and New Orleans. Fund-raisers will receive bumper stickers saying ''I came for a cause'' in return for their efforts -- with the honor system applying to the length of time they actually spent. Organizers did not know for sure how many people planned to participate, but Weide said the shop distributed more than 5,000 registration forms in San Francisco and received many phone calls and e-mail inquiries from around the country. Among those who promised to participate were 100 students at Vassar College, New York, and a group of students in Miami, she said, adding that donors would have to take it on trust that the requisite time was spent masturbating. Good Vibrations designed ''National Masturbation Day'' in 1995 to bring attention to what it calls one of the most common and least talked-about human activities. ''Most Americans masturbate and yet there continues to be a lot of shame and guilt around masturbation,'' Weide said. ''We wanted to do something that would affirm masturbation as a central part of sexuality that is natural, that is healthy, that is positive. We thought that if Hallmark (a greeting cards firm) can create holidays, we can too,'' she added. As part of its celebration, the store voiced its support for Sherri Williams, lead plaintiff against the state of Alabama for its efforts to prevent the sale and distribution of sex toys. Williams is the owner of two Alabama sex toy shops. A U.S. Federal Court judge struck down the state ban on the sale of such products, but the state's attorney general filed an appeal last week.

To: pavlov 1 who wrote (9548)	5/9/1999 4:00:00 PM
From: D PARKER	Respond to of 62549

I apologize, I'm sorry, but I just have to pass this on... > > >> >> >> A man is eating in an elegant restaurant, seated at the next table is >> a gorgeous blonde. He has been checking her out all night, but >> lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass >> eye comes flying out of it's socket towards him. He reflexively grabs >> and snatches it out of the air. >> "Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye >> back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy >> a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back >> to her place for a drink. They go back to her house, and after a bit >> she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him. The couple >> have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when >> he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. >> The guy is amazed. >> "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every >> guy you meet?" >> "No, she replies.... >> >> >> >> >> Wait for it.... >> >> >> >> >> >> It's coming............. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> "You just happened to catch my eye." >> >> >>

To: pavlov 1 who wrote (9548)	5/9/1999 10:46:00 PM
From: J.L. Turner	Respond to of 62549

BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like? Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please. Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax. BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE Customer: Hi, how much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends. Customer: Depends on what? Clerk: Actually, a lot of things. Customer: How about giving me an average price? Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint. Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint. Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 version? Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday. Customer: You've got to be kidding! Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you. Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there. Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12. Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking! Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want? Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough. Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have. Customer: What? Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs. Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it! Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems. Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night! Clerk: Yes, sir, it will. Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint. Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.

To: pavlov 1 who wrote (9548)	5/11/1999 8:26:00 AM
From: Arthur Radley	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Never raise your hands to your kids > It leaves your groin unprotected. > ______________________________________________ > > I'm not into working out. My philosophy: > No pain, no pain. > _______________________________________________ > > I am in shape. Round's a shape! > _______________________________________________ > > I'm desperately trying to figure out why > kamikaze pilots wore helmets. > _______________________________________________ > Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full > > effect of alphabet soup? > _______________________________________________ > I always wanted to be somebody, but I should > have been more specific. > _______________________________________________ > Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face > he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a > car he sticks his head out the window. > _______________________________________________ > Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than > > you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac. > You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started > walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 > today and we don't know where she is. > _______________________________________________ > > The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes > they would not be caught dead in otherwise. > _______________________________________________ > > > Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together > without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. > _______________________________________________ > > I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I > go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter > how long somebody stands there picking the locks, > they are always locking three. > _______________________________________________ > The statistics on sanity are that one out of every > four Americans is suffering from some form of mental > illness. Think of your three best friends. If they > are okay, then it's you. > ________________________________________________ > Now they show you how detergents take out > bloodstains; > a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got > a > T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry > isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid > of the body before you do the wash. > _______________________________________________ > > I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. > They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. > There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I > only have photographs of her. > ________________________________________________ > A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my > suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that > jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, > I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll > have to kill you too." > > Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald > Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald > Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. >