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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: PMS Witch who wrote (9662)	5/14/1999 9:59:00 AM
From: Carol Putnam	Respond to of 62549

A TEXAN'S GUIDE TO LIFE > > Don't squat with your spurs on. > > Never pound on the threaded head of anything. > > Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of > that comes from bad judgment. > > Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot > easier 'n puttin' it back in. > > If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look > back every now and then to make sure it's still > there. > > If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some > influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. > > After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt > so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a > hunter > came along and shot him...........The moral: > When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. > > Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. > > There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. > Neither one works. > > If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing > to do is stop diggin'. > > Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. > > It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock > of sheep. > > Always drink upstream from the herd. > > When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter > or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their > lesson. > > When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready > to have it thrown around by somebody else. > > The quickest way to double your money is to fold > it over and put it back in your pocket. > > Never miss a good chance to shut up. > > There are three kinds of men. > -The one that learns by reading. > -The few who learn by observation. > -The rest of them have to pee on the electric > fence for themselves.