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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: paul t who wrote (2144)	5/17/1999 3:50:00 PM
From: The Philosopher	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

You somehow think posting it on SI is equivalent to 10,000 email postings? <g>

To: paul t who wrote (2144)	5/18/1999 9:42:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

"Protective Computer Gear" Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive. "Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses." By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5" plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either???"

To: paul t who wrote (2144)	5/18/1999 9:47:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

Here's my top 26 things you'll never hear an Engineer say... 1.Debug code developed 4 years ago for a rush project with absolutely no documentation? Love to! 2.More documentation? Love to! 3.Why would anyone who spends every day of the week working on a computer want to spend any of their free time playing computer games? 4.Join in a Quake game? No thanks, I'm leaving early to spend some quality time with my friends and family. 5.Please - not pizza again. 6.Who wrote this? I've never seen such clean code! It should take me no time at all to debug it. 7.I'm really more of a morning person myself. 8.I'd really like to work in a big corporate environment where I can wear all of my favorite ties. 9.Microsoft - all the tools and support you'll ever need. 10.I really don't know the answer to that question. 11.From a network guy - No I'm sure it's not an application issue - I probably just haven't segmented the LAN correctly - I'll get right on that. 12.From a developer - I have complete confidence in the network so why don't I just take a look at my code. 13. It's too simple, need more tables. 14. This field name is too descriptive, we love mystery here. 15. Please let me copy those 800MB source files over the network with my 32MB of RAM machine. 16. Yeah, give administrator permissions to EVERYBODY. 17. It will be done before deadline, under budget and with the extra features you wanted. 18. Oh, wow, more reports!!! WooHoo!!! 19. Data integrity?!?!? we don't need no stinky data integrity. 20. Go ahead, put that zip code in the Street name field. 21. We can always manually correct all those bad entries. 22. There's no real difference between Text Strings and Numbers, it's all zeros and ones after all... 23. Hey! I met the deadline! Woohoo! 24. Please let me wear a shirt and tie to work... I hate flip-flops. 25. Can you make a last minute change to the data structure. I like pressure. 26. Hey, call Microsoft! I bet they have the answer!